My kid is cuter than your kid !!!

I am going to say a few things in this blog that I am sure almost all parents think, but nobody will ever actually say.
I have a theory that every parent believes they have the world's cutest, sweetest child. Each parent, no matter how ugly their baby is, and we all know there are some ugly babies out there, are convinced that their little treasure should be not only the new Gerber Baby, but also should be a baby model and probably receive the most beautiful baby of the year award. If their was such an award, I would think it should be sponsored by Gymboree or Babies R Us and presented by the Queen. As part of the presentation, your baby would likely get an invite to tea at Buckingham Palace, and a "beautiful baby" sash to wear. Anyway, I digress...
My point is that, for obvious reasons, people are afraid to say a baby is ugly. You never go up to a new Mum and say, "Oh look at that little one, she has to be the fugliest thing I have ever seen," or, "Wow, that baby girl looks just like your husband.... fat, hairy and with a face that makes Susan Boyle look like a runway model." These Simon Cowell comments are funny on American Idol, or Britain's Got Talent (depending which country you are reading this from), but do not tend to be appreciated at baby showers, or upon meeting someone with a newborn.
The thing is that any parent, when they see a member of the under 6 month age group will say, "Oh what a beautiful baby," or, "Wow, what a sweet little peanut."
But in their mind they are likely thinking, "Yeah, she's cute, but my kid is cuter." or, "I should say nice things so that you don't feel bad about the fact that I have a more handsome and more pretty child that you."
This is the delusion that every parent has when they have a bouncy, brand new baby. The 9 months of waiting and anticipating prior to the baby actually popping out makes you so anxious that no matter how deformed or covered in slime the little cherub is when he or she comes into the world, you will feel like the baby is the most amazing looking creature that ever lived, and will feel the need to tell everyone you know.
I know this feeling of delusion. With Gemma, pictured above, I am still under this, "my baby is so beautiful" spell, so am unable to pass judgement yet.
I do, however, remember that when Henry was born, 2 years and 3 days ago, I thought he was the classic, perfect looking little baby, and could not be convinced differently.
I now look back at his newborn pictures, and realize he looked like a bit of a big eyed alien with a funny shaped head, and while he was cute, Henry was certainly not a beautiful baby of the year contender.
Then again, I know that all parents who are reading this are thinking, "I already knew that and my kid is still cuter than your kid."

Birthday Parties

Yesterday, Sunday, was Henry's 2nd birthday, and what a birthday it was!
Parties, presents and cake dominated the day. It is now Monday, and I feel like I need a day to rest.
This year, we decided to have Henry's birthday party in a nearby park. After having prayed for good weather all week, we were rewarded with a perfect 80 degree day, without a cloud in the sky.
Having not been able to make it to Henry's 1st birthday, my Mother, Henry's Nana, had flown into town with her significant other, James, to celebrate. A few days earlier, we had been hit with the disappointing news that my wife's Dad had been admitted to hospital, thus would not be able to make it for the birthday. For anyone who is wondering, he is now out of hospital and doing well.
Preparing for the party involved purchasing enough food to feed the 500 person University of Minnesota Marching Band. Much like in an episode of Top Chef, that food then needed cooking, slicing, washing and plating. We (and when I say we, I mean they) then put everything into rubber totes for transportation to take it to the park.

The menu was 12 lbs of Sloppy Joe's, Buns, pasta salad, Cookie salad, chips, lemonade, and cup cakes.
I would like to say that I was heavily involved in the food preparation, but that would be a lie. Marisa did everything. I am not sure what I would do without an expert cook for a wife.
I did help load the car a little bit though, and bought my wife flowers that morning. That is the number one tip for any Dad. On your kid's birthday, always flowers for your wife, and any grandmothers who are present! Trust me, it's worth it.
The only real problem that presented itself was that by the time we were ready to head towards the park, Henry was already tired and ready for a nap. His highly active morning of opening presents and chasing people around, together with the early stages of a cold, had got to him. We were just about to walk out of the door when the H ran into his room, grabbed his pacifier and a book and came out of his room saying "sleep."
When I told him we were going to the park for cake, although clearly still tired, his attitude changed to that of a party animal.
After the hours of preparation and expense, the party felt like it flew by in no time.
Wham, bam, friends, food, cake, presents, candles, happy birthday song, minor Henry meltdown after falling on his face (he has a scar on his forehead today), and the guests were gone. It was time to go home. After packing everything up, both kids fell asleep in the car on the way home having partied themselves out. The end to a great lunchtime.

When we got back to the house, the adults added vodka to the lemonade and relaxed with a drink while the Blue Angels cruised overhead in formation as part of the Sioux Falls Airshow.
Now the next day, having finished with the party, and looking back in hindsight, I have the same feeling I get the morning after a really good late night out on the town (something which is very rare these days).
I am really glad we did it, we all had a great time and I think we will remember that day forever. It was even more special for me having my mother there.
Much like a really great night out, however, I now feel exhausted and devoid of any energy. Next year, maybe we will just do a simple pizza party at Chuck E Cheese. Minimum hassle, maximum fun. The thing is that I know that next time the opportunity presents itself, much like next time I get an opportunity for a great night out, I will have forgotten about the exhaustion I am currently feeling and will grab the opportunity with both hands.
The big difference is that after a night out you are left with a hangover. After this kids party I am left with 5 lbs of unused sloppy joes, 50 buns, and pasta salad up the ying yang. I know what's for supper the next 2 weeks.

Threatening your children.

As I am beginning to write this blog, and the ideas for the verbal diarrhea that I am about to spew onto the page form in my mind, I cannot help but think that this post is going to be one that comes back to haunt me in the future.
My 2 children, at the ages of 23 months and 5 months are too young to respond to or understand threats fully. By threats, I mean saying things like, "If you don't finish your food, you won't get any desert," or, "if you don't walk nicely next to Mum, she will beat you over the head with a stick." Okay, that last one was probably a bad taste joke, and has never actually been said... I hope.
For those of you who do not have children, the adult version of family threats sounds like, "If you get me pregnant again, I'm going to chop your nuts off."
Anyway, Marisa and I recently made a pact never to use 2 very common parental threats.

1.

Counting to 10. I have no objections to the way my mother brought me up. I think she did a wonderful job parenting in spite of how I turned out. This threat was a big favorite of hers, which probably explains why I hate it.
"If you don't come over here by the time I count to 10, then you will be in big trouble."
I know I heard hollered in my direction on many an occasion. Mum would start counting, and by the time she reached 10, inevitably either my brother or I were still misbehaving, and the count would start again. It was pretty rare we actually got into trouble, although I can remember at least one occasion when I was on the business of a spanking for not heeding this threat. The problem I have with this is that outside of yelling, "Get the F. over here," or even just, "Get over here," I am not sure of an alternative.
If I threatened something like this at his current age, he would be too young to understand. I would start counting at 1, and before I knew it, I would hear a little voice say, "twooo," followed by a giggle, thus nullifying it's effect.

2.
"If you don't clean this up you are going straight to bed!"
I have heard this threat so many times, either directed at me when I was young, or at another child, and I have never seen it actually be followed through with. The expected hollowness this threat is not the reason I have a problem with it though. I would like for my children to want to go to bed at the end of the evening. Making going to bed a threat could almost demonize the bedroom, and make actually putting the child to bed in the evening very difficult indeed. If he or she has been threatened with going to bed as a bad thing all day, and has been trying to avoid being put to bed as a punishment for most of the day, it is going to be the little tyke's natural reaction to attempt to stay up as late as possible.

Again, I'm not sure of an alternative. I know Supernanny Jo Frost would have me use a naughty chair instead, something which appears to be becoming more popular. Maybe that is what we will do when Henry misbehaves in the future.

Personally, if someone threatened to put me to bed for a nap during the day, I would take it with open arms, especially after Gemma was awake between 1.30 and 4am this morning. A nap actually sounds like a great option.

In re-reading this, I have realized this blog sounds a little bit preachy. I do realize that I am not the perfect parent, and that I will probably live to regret writing this, but I felt that this was a subject I should share my opinion on.

Top 10 Best Value Baby Toys (and a laundry tip)

Having written a lot of personal Henry and Gemma experiences recently, I thought I would actually try to write something that readers may find useful.
I know we have bought a lot of child management accessories (aka toys) for our kids. Some have been great, others have been a complete waste of money, and I had always wished I knew which our children would like before I made the purchases.
I enlisted the help of my beautiful wife Marisa (no she did not ask me to write that) in putting together a list of the top 10 most useful baby and toddler accessories we own. These were not necessarily the most expensive toys but are the toys that the kids love the most thus were the best investments we have made (especially since a lot of them were gifts).

1.
The Blue Car - (Pictured below) Henry loves going for rides around the neighborhood in this sleek looking vehicle. From it's aerodynamic design to it's 1 dadpower engine, this beauty does 0-60 yards per hour in under 5 seconds. Even quicker if it wasn't being pushed by an out of shape Dad. If you ask Henry, he would rather go on a blue car ride than a stroller ride any day of the week. Numero Uno investment!!

2.
Sleepy Wrap - (Pictured Below) When I 1st saw Marisa modelling the sleepy wrap, I renamed her Obi Won Kanobe for obvious Star Wars reasons, but in spite of my mocking, this has proven to be the only effective method of getting Gemma to sleep recently. Just prior to creating this blog, I rocked Gemma for 10 minutes attempting to put my tired 5 month old to sleep. It proved to be 10 minutes of kicking and screaming resulting in a Dad with a headache and a wide awake Gemma. Marisa put her in this wrap, went for a walk around the block, and she was asleep in seconds (Gemma, not my wife).


3.
Jumparoo - Henry adored his jumparoo. A nice $40 purchase from "Once Upon A Child." He used one at daycare and one at home. I learnt that before man can run, he must 1st learn to walk, before he can walk, baby must bounce!
4.
Toddler Picnic Table - This awesome Target creation began it's existence as an indoor picnic/coloring table for Henry. During the winter, he would climb upon this sturdy structure to watch his favorite neighbor dogs out the window. Once the harsh South Dakota Winter had passed, it graduated outdoors into a water park. Henry has eaten, colored, and played with water all at this table, and he still worships it. Super purchase.

5.
Books - We read Henry 3-4 books every night before bed. When we get home from a weekend away from the house, the first thing Henry now does is run into his room without prompting gets a book. He then sits in his chair looking at the pictures without even needing us there. If Henry is ever upset or frustrated, the second you ask him if he would like a book read to him, he smiles, says "yeah" and runs into his room. One of the best things we have discovered is the, "Dolly Parton Imagination Library." This is a free reading program to join, and your child gets 1 free book delivered a month until he or she turns 5 years old.

6.

Lawnmower - We actually have 2 little plastic lawnmowers that make a lot of noise, probably the reason we purchased neither, they were both gifts. At least once every 2 days Henry and I take a lawn mower each and mow the living room carpet, just to make sure it has not grown too much.

7.

Pacifiers - A controversial topic. Gemma will not take a pacifier, and if you put one in her mouth, she acts like you are trying to choke her, and spits it out crying. She much prefers to suck her thumb, hand or to nurse. Henry has been a pacifier addict since he was about 4 hours old! He now only has it at night, but any time he is in Chicken Little (the sky is falling in) mode, a pacifier will always calm him down.

8.

Baby Bjorn Bib - aka. The 2nd feeding trough! This is a plastic catch all bib which cost us a very well spent $12. It not only keeps Henry clean at meal time (a feat considering our son makes Joey Chestnut look like a clean diner), but once he is finished eating from his plate, if Henry is still hungry, he will dig into the bib food, meaning very little goes to waste. The only issue we have now is when Henry chooses to take the bib off and empty the contents onto the floor and himself before we can get to him.

9.

Yellow Bouncy Chair - This is a cheap, vibrating yellow chair which acts as Gemma's seat when the rest of us are eating, or when Marisa is cooking supper and I am still at work. It has helped us eat without disturbance on many an occasion, and also allowed Marisa to shower on a daily basis during her maternity leave. Good buy, especially considering it was marked down from $35 to $9 at the HyVee tent sale last summer.

10.

Stolen Blankets from hospital - Yes, we stole something from the hospital, and are probably going straight to hell. These receiving blankets are bigger than your average blanket, and work perfectly for all the nursing mums out there who wish to still nurse in public. It is just the right size to cover boob and baby, so no indecent exposure. They also work well as swaddling blankets since they are big and lightweight.

Honorable mention goes to Ford Freestar, Tag Heuer Watch, our laptop computer ( for Youtube) & any set of keys that Henry touches (and never lets go of). These "adult" toys are also great entertainers as mentioned in my July 9th "Expensive Toys" blog.

Since this blog was a combined husband and wife effort, Marisa asked me to disclose the #1 tip for getting baby poop stains off of clothing. We are talking about stains caused by nursing baby poop. When Gemma blew through a diaper and stained some clothes, that was usually the end of those clothes, until we learnt this trick. Run the clothes through the washing machine once, then apply a generous layer of stain stick to the stained areas. Once the stain stick is applied, put the clothes out in the sun to dry. When the stain stick dries in the sun, the poop stains will have vanished. I would like to think it is magic, but I have been informed that it is actually science. You then wash and dry the clothes again. This has worked 100% of the time for us, and proved extremely useful when Gemma blew through a diaper, her clothes, and our white sheets.

That's all folks. Hope you enjoyed the family Oppenheimer tips of the day.

1st Poop on the Potty!

Today, July 20th 2009, 6 days before his 2nd birthday, will go down as a red letter day in the history of Henry Oppenheimer.

It all started this morning when, as my boss phrased it to me, I was "lucky" to be given an "opportunity to excel" in Huron, South Dakota. In non-corporate America speak, on a busy Monday, I had to drive 2 hours each way to Huron to meet someone for a claim today.

On the way there, I spoke with Chris, a good friend of mine from Minneapolis, whose wife I believe reads this blog (Hi Jen). He informed me how proud he was of his son William, who is a few months younger than Henry. William pooped and peed on the potty for the 1st time this morning.
With genuine excitement, I congratulated Chris on edging closer to never having to change another diaper (a landmark day for any parent), and having a clever son. At the same time, I felt a hint of jealousy in my stomach. We have tried to get Henry interested in the potty for a few months now, and while I think he understands what the potty's primary function is, all he has really used it for to this point was to stand on so he could switch the bathroom light off and on (and off, and on, and off, and on, etc.... you get the idea).

I got home this evening, and about 2 minutes after I walked in the door, Henry said "Poop." We checked him, he hadn't pooped so we put him on the potty. To our shock and surprise, he immediately pooped. This was very exciting, causing such enthusiastic cheers and applause from Marisa and I that it scared the crap out of both kids. Henry and Gemma both immediately started crying. Henry ran into the other room and would not come back into the bathroom.

After a little drama caused by my inability to get the poop from the potty into the toilet (it took a detour onto the floor), we managed to coax Henry back into the bathroom to flush his new poop down the toilet.

I do have to say at this stage that, unlike Kate from "John and Kate plus 8," we did not photo this event, thus, I have not put any photos of Henry pooping on this blog entry. My personal opinion is that photographing a kid with their 1st poop, or anyone with poop for that matter, is disgusting. Trust me, like any man with hair on his chest, I have plugged the bathroom with some logs that I am proud of, but I have never had the urge to photograph it.

I would like to think Henry was proud of himself, but I am afraid that our vociferous reaction may have scared him so much that it put him back a few months in the potty training stages. I did, however, allow myself to dream for a few moments, of a day when I do not have to clean up poop on a daily basis.

This dream was shattered approximately 30 minutes later when Henry pooped again, this time in his diaper. He gave no warning, did not tell us about it, and had no intention of using the potty. Back to square one !!!

After last night writing about how lucky I have been to have good sleeping children, I realized that I completely cursed myself.
This morning at 4am, Gemma, our 4 month old, decided it was morning. She was up and ready to party. Marisa tried to nurse her to sleep, I laid her down on the bed and tried to snuggle with her, but she just smiled at me and laughed. It is amazing how this wonderful cute little smile during the day can light up a room, but at 4am, it feels like Satan smiling at me saying, "Screw you buddy, you don't need to sleep." As a result, I was up from approximately 4.30am trying to get her to sleep.
Henry, usually our super sleeper, decided 5am was a good time for him to be up as well. He came into our bed, and rather than going to sleep, he started talking.
Gemma eventually fell back asleep at 6.35, by which point we were showering and getting ready for work.
In short, I have been up since 4am, and have felt about as active as a slow moving snail all day. Lack of sleep really does lead to lack of energy.
My hope is that tonight will be better. This was not meant to be my blog topic today. I was considering writing something creative either about date nights or about how Gemma has explosive poops, but instead, I am going to save those thoughts for my next post.
Sorry folks, the creative juices are definitely not flowing tonight.
I will return with a better, more interesting and humorous blog!

Let Sleeping Kids Lie !!!

I think this is the most important phrase of parenting. If your children are asleep, I think leaving them to sleep is the definition of good parenting. Waking up children usually results in disaster.

It is amazing how much cuter, and sweeter your children appear when they are sleeping. They are just these perfect little beings lying there without a care in the world, in their funny tiny clothes, in their itty bitty cribs. What could be better than having a sleeping baby?

I am convinced that the time most couples look at each other and decide that they want some rug rats of their own is when they see someone else's children sleeping, looking peaceful, and relaxing. The phrase, "I want one," is uttered by the girl as she gets that broody feeling, and the guy whispers, "yeah, lets have a baby," thinking the kid looks cute and he gets to rejoice in the enjoyment of creating God's special gift (that is the most tactful way I could find of saying the guy is thinking about getting laid one more time).

For all the parents out there, how many times have you peeked in on your kid sleeping and either said "aaahh" or thought to yourself how amazing they are and how lucky you are. A moment later you notice the baby starts stirring and you find yourself saying or thinking, "Oh crap, he/she's waking up, I only have a few minutes of freedom left," then running back to your chair to squeeze in 5 minutes more of TV watching or peaceful reading before the child really wakes up, or if you are lucky, drifts off back to sleep.

Then the children actually get up and reality hits. Waking up usually involves crying, or in the morning, changing diapers, clothes and needing bottles of milk. We are unfortunate enough in the morning to have Henry, who is not a morning person, and Daddy be in the same grouchy, irritable mood for the 1st hour of the day, or until Henry gets milk and Daddy gets coffee. At that point we are both happier.

In our house at the moment both of are children are asleep by 8.30-8.45 most nights. This gives Marisa and I some free time to relax, write blogs and do that sort of thing.

I'm sure there are some people reading this who have children that do not go to sleep until much later, and I know how lucky I am to have children that sleep from so early.
Do not take this blog the wrong way, I love spending time with the children, playing with them, and taking them to places, but I also love when they are asleep.

Infant Interactions

It is amazing how much your interests change after having children. Much the same as changing diapers, the smell of poop, and Baby Einstein, watching really young kids interact with each other is not something I can say ever really peaked my interest before I was a father.

Since becoming a Dad, however, I have been fascinated to see how little children react to each other. At 4 1/2 months old, all Gemma really does is stare at any child that is near her, but all kids aged 3 and under seem to be attracted to the baby. Her 1st day at Daycare, all the other kids crowded around Gemma, fussing over her saying how cute she was.

This was great, but left Henry, who had always been the center of attention standing on his own without anyone around him. The obvious jealousy issue became a problem, and I completely understood.

Henry has a good friend, Ben, who is a few months older than him. These guys have been playing together since Henry was about 6 months old. Their reaction to each other had changed dramatically though. Initially, Henry and Ben both kind of played in the same area, but really did not acknowledge each others existence outside of trying not to play with the same toy or pick up the wrong pacifier.

As Henry reached a year old, and started to walk, the 2 kids began to interact a little more, playing with the same toys, or following each other around the house. This was when the occasionally fight over toys began.

Then there was a slightly scary, but also rather funny incident when Henry hit Ben over the head with a piano. The weird thing was that as painful as it looks, Ben just kept on playing without crying (What a little trooper). If Ben's Mum, Christie is reading this, I would like to apologize for using Ben's pain for humor, and you will be glad to know Henry has not hit anyone with a piano since. He has learned the lesson that you should not hit people with a piano, something I did not plan on having to teach my kids.

Anyway, after Gemma came along, Henry was always excited to see his friends, but the friends were more excited to see Gemma. They would run over to Gemma and look at her crib, which Henry tried to get their attention. I felt for Henry at this time, since I am sure it was rough for him, but he has come out of it now a stronger young man.

This last weekend, Ben came over to play with Henry. The 2 of them gallivanted so happily in the back yard, and for the first time that I have seen, really played together. They kind of chatted a little bit, and sat together laughing in the cart. I was very impressed to see my little guy playing with another little dude like a big boy. It also made me realize once and for all that Henry is a toddler, not a baby now (a thought that depresses his mother sometimes).

Henry did have a few, turning red, throwing toys temper tantrums, but those were rare and definitely did not overshadow the fun evening the kids had together. I have included in the blog some pictures here of Henry and Ben playing together like big boys!

The other reason babies cry

I always thought babies cried for 2 real reasons. Either they are tired or hungry. Coincidentally, these are the 2 reasons I generally cry. For Gemma both are fairly easily solved either by a boob in the face (my wife's, not mine, or Henry's, although Henry has tried if you read my earlier post.), or by putting the baby to sleep. I could make some crude comment about a boob in the face stopping me from crying here, but I am going to avoid that and take the high road.


Today, I discovered the other reason babies cry. We were at the new swimming pool in Sioux Falls. For those of you who live in the Sioux Falls Metropolitan Area, it is located at Cliff and 10th Street, across from Bucks Muffler, in the heart of the Ghetto. For those of you who do not know the area, Sioux Falls does have a small ghetto, but on a danger scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being North Minneapolis, it is about a 2.


This brand new pool is very nice, and has a "Lazy River," where you sit on a tube and float with the current in a circle. For those of you from Minneapolis or Detroit Lakes, MN, the tubing on this lazy river is like tubing on the Otter Tail, or the Apple River, but without the scenery, the beer, the topless women on July 4th, or the leeches and snapping turtles. Instead your scenery is the parking lot, a busy road and a plastic giraffe that spits water at you, which incidentally Henry loved.


Marisa and Henry went on the lazy river, while our 4 month old, Gemma, stayed with me. We stood nicely at the side of the lazy river and waved at Marisa and Henry when they went by, taking in the awesome scenery.


Gemma was content being held by me for about 5 minutes before deciding she was bored! She looked around, glanced at me, took one last look at the floor before I swear I heard her sigh. It was the kind of sigh my wife gives when I tell her a very important piece of sports trivia, which for some reason she finds less than scintillating (I can't understand why). Then Gemma burst into tears. Purely out of boredom. When we walked elsewhere, she was fine, but once we stood in 1 spot for 2 more minutes, and again I heard that familiar sigh, followed by crying.


I realized that sometimes I can bore even my 4 month old, and that made me feel like a very unexciting person. So for any new Dad out there, there is a 3rd reason for tears from a baby... boredom.


On a side note, Gemma at some cereal for the 1st time today, and I think she was very excited to eat something that was not breast milk for the 1st time. Henry's 1st feeding ended in food everywhere. Gemma gobbled it all up! Hungry girl.

Expensive Toys!!

What are Henry's most expensive toys? We have bought or had bought for us, all kinds of expensive toys like his playhouse and his swing set, however, I am writing this blog from one of Henry's 2 favorite things to play with. I am sitting comfortably, reclined back in the passenger seat of my Hyundai (pronounced like it rhymes with Sunday, as we were reminded in a Superbowl commercial this year) Elantra, while Henry is playing with the steering wheel, messing around with the emergency lights and resetting the preset channels on my radio.

Henry, at 23 months old, enjoys playing in either of our 2 cars almost more than anything in the world. At the moment he loves the Hyundai, but he goes through stages where my wife's minivan is his favorite.

On a side note, the minivan used to be my old Dodge Ram Pickup (I loved that vehicle), however, when I had kids I traded in my pickup, my testicles and a bunch of money for a minivan. Now I admit, the van is a great vehicle, and very child friendly, and the DVD player has saved us on many long car rides, but I just don't feel as cool driving around in a "pick the kids up from soccer" vehicle, as I did in my regular cab pickup.

Anyway, the thing that amazes me is that Henry's playing in the car has really developed. A month ago, he just loved pressing buttons and watching things flash, windows go down and hear the occasional horn honk.

Now, Henry tries to drive the car. He only really plays in the drivers seat, and spends most of the time turning the wheel, indicating, and switching on the lights. Of course, he still loves to honk the horn, but I am 29 years old, and also still love to honk the horn, something no man grows out of (women, however pretend to grow out of it). The development of children is astonishing. Henry is growing up very quickly, and his playing is definitely becoming more sophisticated.

As a Dad, I often wonder if it is healthy to let him play in a car, especially since, as a claims adjuster that sees people hurt in car accidents every day, I have seen the occasional accident when a kid has been left on his own in the vehicle, and has set it into reverse either hitting a tree or another car.

Sitting here in the passenger seat, however, I am able to reach over at any point and grab the wheel or brake, and have my had easily within reach of the gear stick just in case something happens.

Tonight, I ended up bribing.... umm I mean, "rewarding" my son for his great behavior by telling him we can play in the car if he takes his medicine, and puts on pajamas. He was perfectly behaved throughout giving him his medicine and putting on his pajamas, then immediately kept saying, "black car," and "dads car," so at 8pm, here we are.

I am not really sure that there is a point to this story other than the one any parent already knows. If you buy a young child a toy, he is as likely to play with the packaging as he is the toy!

Nursing Children (the other meaning)

I am not sure if this is a worrying sign, or a positive sign, but my 23 month old son, Henry, has found a new way to "help" his Mother and Father.

Henry regularly watches my wife, Marisa breast feed our 4 month old daughter, Gemma. In spite of being a little jealous, Henry has decided to try to help us as much as possible. He always wants to help strap Gemma into her carseat, or to play with her. Sometimes his playing is a little rough for Gemma, but she is already toughening up. When he hits her with something in the head, she just takes the whack like a pro-boxer rolling with the punches, and continues with life. No drama, no crying. In the back of my mind, I know she will have her revenge one day, and wonder if she is storing up all her anger to unleash on him when she is older.

In the last few days, Henry had taken help to a new level. He will go up to either Gemma, or one of his teddy bears, lift up his shirt and say, "Eat! Eat!" before trying to pull either Gemma or the teddy bear to his chest to breast feed from him. Once he thinks he is done feeding he will hit either Gemma or the teddy on the back and say, "burp, burp."

I am so proud of the fact that Henry is trying to help but a little disturbed that he wants to breast feed our daughter. The fact that, as I mentioned in a previous blog, he called my chest my "boob boobs" makes me think that in his opinion, all men are capable of breast feeding. At least that is what I am hoping. I am banking on his thoughts not being that Dad is so fat he has big boobs like Mum. Who knows, when Henry is old enough to be a Dad, they may have invented a way for men to breast feed, even though that does not sound like my cup of tea!

As my wife pointed out to me, however, at least Henry is not getting out the bottle and trying to formula feed Gemma yet. He is all about the "eau natural" breast feeding.

I fell pretty positive about his attitude towards boobs being for feeding at the moment,because I am certain that during his teenage years he will discover a new purpose for "boob boobs" as well as other things.

Just thinking about that makes me realize how much I should treasure these young, innocent baby years.

July 4th, with a Challenge!

For my sins, on very rare occasions, I go out and have a couple of drinks. When I mean rare occasions, I am can probably count on 1 hand the number of times I have been out and can say I was "drunk," in Henry's 2 year lifespan.

However, on the occasions that this has happened, unlike my college days, I have not had the fortune to be able to sleep in until 11am, then order a pizza for lunch the next day, getting up just in time to watch the Vikings on Sundays. Those days are history. Instead, even if I have been up until 1-2am, I am awake at 7-8am at the latest with either a child kicking me, screaming, or asking me to get milk and cereal.

One such situation happened this weekend. A very good friend of mine, Kurt, was in town, so we went out for a couple of drinks. I think we would have been home at a reasonable hour (pre-midnight) had the Minnesota Twins game not gone 16 innings. We decided we "had" to stay out and watch the end of it, especially since I now have no television at home.

As expected, the next morning came all too quickly, and I was very tired, meaning that I had to practice the skill of hungover parenting. My awesome wife allowed me to "lie in" until 7.30am. It's funny how 7.30am used to be considered a very early morning for the weekend, but now, with the advent of children, waking up at 7.30 is almost akin to being up at 11am was in the B.K. (before kids) era.

So after a night of drinks, parenting seems much more difficult. I was considerably slower than normal in my reactions and in preparing anything for the kids. It felt like Henry, who is never slow (he has 2 gears which are a million miles an hour and stop), was on Fast Forward. He blasted past me a number of times while I was trying to catch him, and was concerned that I did not chase him with quite the swift speed I normally use to catch him.

Processing thoughts is also a little slower. When Henry is talking to me in his 23 month old dialect of half formed words, on a good day, I can figure out most of what he is saying and reply. On a day like this one, however, I had no clue what he was saying, and he kept looking at me like I was a moron.

There is nothing that makes you feel less intelligent than the 1st time your baby looks at you thinking they are smarter than you are. It is a very transparent look, and one that I will remember for a long time.

Anyway, after 3-4 cups of coffee, a few ibuprofen, and a shower, we were on our way to a State Park to have some fun.

That was the real cure!! Playing on July 4th with my son, together with my wife, and my best pal Kurt in the fresh South Dakota air on a wonderful July morning. Henry loved jumping on the rocks, running in the camping area, and snacking at a picnic table. Gemma just sat back in the chest carrier and watched smiling occasionally and looking content.

I knew I was completely recovered, however, when at lunch time, we ate a large buffet at the Pizza Ranch, while watching the legend Joey Chestnut win the annual July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest on ESPN. Not once during that contest did I feel at all like throwing up (unlike some of the hot dog contestants).

Other highlights this weekend included watching fireworks with Henry and Kurt (Gemma and Marisa were home sleeping). Henry has since been saying "Fie-work" then "BOOM." Also, this was the weekend that I had it pointed out to me that not only was I losing my hair and going grey on top, but that I also have a number of grey chest hairs! I'm not even 30 yet!!!

Generally, I would not recommend parenting hungover. I was lucky enough to have Marisa who had not been out with me, at home looking after the kids and doing her normal amazing job of being a Mother. While I am still learning how to be a Father, and am making plenty of mistakes, my wife is the most natural mother I have ever seen, and I don't know what I would ever do without her.

That helpless feeling we all hate...

Henry (23 months old) woke up 3 times last night screaming with pain. He was crying and clearly not well this morning. Add to that the fact that he was clutching his ears.

I had that nervous and helpless feeling that all parents with young kids hate. It's that feeling in the pit of your stomach, the feeling that you are not sure what is wrong with your child and he can't tell you what's the problem is. Even worse, your child is relying on you to make him better, and on you to solve the issue. Worse than that, you have no clue how to help him.

In our situation Thursday morning, we made a decision to take Henry to Urgent Care.

Marisa had to work today, so I was the lucky one sitting with a sick Henry in Urgent Care, hoping to get seen before Henry threw a complete tantrum.

Keeping my "strong willed child" quiet in a waiting room is always a challenge, but it was tougher than ever today, since he was not feeling well, and there were no kids toys in the waiting room sp we had to improvize.

We started off fine, by him having some cheerios and milk, sitting quietly with me. Henry ate and occasionally reminded me that I have coffee in my hand "Daddy, coffee". Once breakfast was done, it was not so easy keeping Henry quiet. I ended up letting him play with my cellphone and watch, never a wise choice really.

The real troubles came when we were there for 25 minutes and he started heading for the door saying "home, Mum, Home," and acting like he was no longer sick.

At that point, luckily, the nurse called us in.

This is another horrible feeling. When visiting the Doctor with my children, I feel like I am picking my poison. You never want your child to be ill, but having spent half an hour already in the waiting room, and knowing I was missing work, I could not help but let myself think, "There had bloody better be something wrong with him to make this trip worth it." We had spent so much time here, the thought ran through my head that if Henry was not ill, this was a waste, when in fact it was the opposite. Ruling out illness is the best reason to go to the Doctor.

But, if you bring in a child, then the doctor looks at him and says he is fine, then you feel like a paranoid parent who just brought the kid in for no reason. In this situation, I find myself wondering if the Doctors watch you on the way out to make sure you don't steel any drugs just to make sure you are here for the right reasons.

At the same time, you don't want your child to be too sick or to suffer too much. I was thinking that maybe a mild ear infection would be ok, but not be too bad for Henry. I don't want him to have the flu, but a small infection would be acceptable.

My prayers were answered when I was told Henry had an infection in both ears. I thought, "Ok, this is a little worse than I had hoped, but he seems to be alright."

Henry and I walked triumphantly out of the Clinic. I was confidently holding Henry's antibiotic prescription, while Henry was the real winner. He had a sticker in 1 hand and a lollipop in the other. We were both happy with the fruits of our morning's work.

Is exercise possible with 2 kids?

As the Joker would say, "Riddle me this batman...."

I was never a star athlete or in peak physical condition, but I exercised quite a bit.
I played some rugby in high school and college, and play soccer regularly now for a recreational team, but my fitness has gone to heck since having child number 2.

Before Gemma was born, I was considering training for a marathon. Over the year before my youngest daughter blessed us with her presence, I lost approximately 15lbs and was running almost daily either outside or on the treadmill in our basement. I even had wireless tv headphones so I could listen to the TV while running, and not have to worry about the treadmill noise. I looked ridiculous running with those headphones on, but I loved doing 30 mins on the treadmill while watching an episode of "The Mentalist," and let me tell you, when your legs are burning on the treadmill, there is nothing more motivating than watching a 300lb woman busting her behind running on "The Biggest Loser." Of course without TV, I am reduced to

Anyway, I used to get up at approximately 6am, run for half an hour, then shower, and be ready for work at 7am which is when Marisa and Henry were awake. Well, after a while, Henry started getting up early and coming to "help" me on the treadmill. He either wanted to climb on the treadmill or pull me off it. This made exercising difficult.

Then in February came Gemma, who, as typical babies do, let us know she was still alive every 2-3 hours by waking up and screaming. This made it extremely difficult to get any exercise routine going. especially when Henry was awoken by Gemma at 5am and chose not to go to bed.

I could exercise at night, but to quite frank, once the kids are put to bed at 8.30pm, after a long day, all I want to do is relax and read or surf the web. If I run after 9pm, it is impossible to get to sleep before 11.30pm, not good if you have 2 kids under 2 who like to be up at night or early in the morning.

So, I am slowly piling the weight back on. I still play football every couple of weeks, but that is not quite enough. This week playing football (soccer to you yanks) I was struggling through the game, although I was not helped by a flying headbutt to my chest, knocking me on my arse. It was an accident, caused by a guy who was trying to tackle me slipping while running at me at full speed. My peck, or as Henry calls it "Daddy's boob boob" still hurts. You can tell what great shape I am in by the fact that little H calls my chest "boob boobs."

Henry, on the other hand, is a treadmill expert. My 23 month old can run, walk and even moonwalk on the treadmill. Ok, he can't moonwalk, but that was my obligatory Michael Jackson mention that is required to be in every piece of media this week. Henry loves the treadmill. It is his 3rd most expensive toy behind my watch and the minivan, both of which he plays with consistently.

I will come up with a plan, I just don't know what it will be. Just another challenge of being a Dad!!

Thank You, Thank Me

I have realized the enormous power of saying Thank You! And how, as an adult, thanking someone can not only be nice for the person you thank, but it can come back to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.



Sioux Falls newspaper, the Argus Leader, has the "Thank You Phone," which is a phone passed on around Sioux Falls from person to person as to say "Thank You". If you receive the phone, it will be from someone who is thanking you for something, and when you pass it on, you take a photo of yourself, then leave a voicemail saying who you are thanking and why, before presenting the phone to the person you are thanking.



A lady in our office, Debbie, passed the Thank You Phone onto the company I work for saying how she loves her co-workers... very sweet. I took the phone on behalf of the office, took a photo of Henry reaching for the phone, with Gemma in the background, and thanked Nikki, our daycare provider. She in turn passed the phone onto someone else. It was all very sweet at the time, about 3 weeks ago.



This week, the company I work for picked up the Thank You phone story and published it on the company website as a feel good story, bringing it to the forefront again. This made Debbie feel very happy for having thanked the company, and visibly brightened her day.



At the same time, on Monday, the Argus Leader published the picture of Henry and Gemma, that I took with the phone, on the front page of the "Voices" section, together with my quote thanking Nikki. Below it was Nikki's quote with pictures of her kids. When I did this originally, I did not know the picture would be in the paper. It is not the best picture, with Henry about to cry and reaching to try to grab the phone.

However, this created a great memory for the baby books, and again made me feel good about passing the phone on. It also meant that I spent my lunchtime running around Sioux Falls trying to find a couple of copies of the newspaper. It's amazing how at 1pm on a Monday, the Argus Leader was sold out in the 1st 2 gas stations I went to. I found 2 copies at my 3rd stop, and 1 final copy at another gas station.

In today's nasty economy, a lot of people are having a hard time. These little free bonuses can go a long way towards brightening up someone's day and putting a smile on their face.

Check out the Thank You phone pictures at http://www.argusleader.com/thankyouphone



Check out the story on http://www.argusleader.com/thankyouphone